THE BEST STORY EVER WRITTEN
by Ugly Pink Machine
Summary: Rated solely because of language as the whole thing is narrated by Michael. Please don't hurt me...


Note: This is kind of my way of apologizing to anyone who's reviewed my stories in the past few months; it's so hard to continue some of them _ But I promise that I'll get off my ass and try to get the hideous parody up by tomorrow! I've been having horrid writer's block... and this is the result of that horrid writer's block. Just keep in mind that NO ONE is in character here, especially not Michael. I just felt like... oh... nevermind.  
  
Michael: ALRIGHT BITCHES LISTEN UP, I'M THE FUCKING NARRATOR AND YOU'D BETTER DO WHAT I SAY OR I'LL SET YOUR ASSES ON FIRE! GOT THAT, MOTHERFUCKERS?!  
  
Raphael: -without looking up from his copy of 'Chobits'- You go right ahead and do that.  
  
Sara: ^______^ Oh, Mika-chan, you're so silly!  
  
Setsuna: You can't order me around, man. I'm the _messiah_.  
  
Michael: Oh, you think I can't order your ass around? Watch me: Setsuna, start making out with your sister.  
  
Setsuna: -gropes Sara and French kisses her-  
  
Michael: -winces- Alright shithead, that's enough!  
  
Setsuna: -doesn't stop-  
  
Sara: -giggle-  
  
Michael: STOP MAKING OUT WITH YOUR GODDAMNED SISTER  
  
Setsuna: -molestmolest-  
  
Sara: -teehee- -gropes-  
  
Michael: -sets them both on fire-  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter One Of:  
  
THE BEST STORY EVER WRITTEN COZ IT WAS WRITTEN BY THE BEST PERSON EVER, WHO IS OF COURSE MICHAEL-SAMA  
  
Once upon a time, uhh, like three years ago or something, there was this guy named Setsuna and he was the BIGGEST FUCKASS EVER. One day, he was sitting in his pansy-ass little private school in Japan in a study hall with his sister, Sara, who is the most annoying bitch and should be shot because I said so.  
  
Setsuna: Oh, Sara, I love you so much! Whenever I'm with you, I... I can't help but feel all of my sadness just... washing away in the depths of your eyes.  
  
Sara: Oh, aniki...  
  
Setsuna: Oh, imouto...  
  
So while they were playing grab-ass with each other in the fuckin' library, right, Katou's outside smoking some shit he got off the streets.  
  
Katou: (sprawled out on the grass, staring up at the school building with a joint in one hand and a dazed look on his face) Duuuuuude... Kira's... got... nice... ass. Must... ooooh.  
  
SUDDENLY, the sky turns black and lightning strikes! And there's all this smoke and fire and shit! And people die somewhere! And then... THE GREAT MICHAEL-SAMA APPEARS!  
  
Katou: Huh... the hell you doin' here, kid?  
  
Michael: BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (lights a tree on fire) I AM HE WHO RAVAGES THE HEAVENS! (lights another tree on fire) I AM HE WHO SCORCHES THE EARTH! (lights a random passerby on fire) I AM HE WHO KICKETH MORE ASS THAN A RABID DONKEY IN SWEDEN!  
  
Katou: What the fuck... dude... did you just light that... fuckin' LADY on fire?  
  
Michael: Yes, yes I did. FOR I AM... (throws fist in the air; lightning strikes again) MICHAEL-SAMAAAAAA!  
  
Terrified by the sudden panicking occuring everywhere in the world because of Michael-sama's uber greatness, Sara and Setsuna stumble to the window!  
  
Setsuna: Oh, crap! It's that amazingly powerful, incredibly tall and muscular Herculean archangel badass Michael! I quiver in awe and jealousy!  
  
Sara: Oooh, I swoon! He is so sexy and powerful and tall and muscular!  
  
Michael: QUIET, WENCH! FEEEEEEAR MY MIGHTY MANIPULATIVE POWERS OVER FIRE! (lights the building aflame)  
  
Setsuna + Sara: (scream their pansy heads off and try to find some means of escape)  
  
Katou: (stares at the building, entranced by the brightness of the flame) Ooh.  
  
And with THAT, the MIGHTY MICHAEL SAMA incinerated the two incestuous BASTARDS known as Setsuna and Sara! And they DIED! And then they went to HELL and BURNED AND BURNED AND BURNED AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAHAHAHAHA! AAAAHAHAOOOOHAHAHAHA! AAHH..(cough)..Haaaa....  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Raphael: -pats Michael's back- Are you alright, Mika-chan? Your face is really red...  
  
Michael: N-no, fine, fine... I AM GREAT! –trails off into a cough- Ooohhh, my throat. Fuck.  
  
Raphael: Maybe you should stop writing this blatantly biased story of yours, or at least save it for when you're feeling better.  
  
Michael: I'M FEELING FINE, BITAACKKHACKCOUGH...  
  
Khamael: -clocks Michael over the head with the back of his gun and throws him over his shoulder- I'll go put him in one of the beds.  
  
Raphael: Good. I'll be there to check on him in a minute. 


End file.
